Oh well, it's all laughs and emotional scars now.

dontyouflan is my new journal.

This journal is over.

I occasionally forget for a month or so at a time how much I love Modest Mouse, but I think I'm about to get re-obsessed.

This is a big deal in my life.... it feels like.... right now.... to me.

So, yeah.

Things get better. Things get worse, too.

God, I'm a fuck-up, but I just keep getting better.

I confuse myself. I've never heard anyone say I'm not a confusing individual, but I'm in a clear-headed period, and I'm working things out dammit. I'm leaning.

I'm happy right now. Lets see what tomorrow brings.

Fucking optimistic shit.

If my fucking sinuses were any more unpleasant right now I don't even know what I would do.

And Mother, if you think it's rude to wipe my nose at the dinner table then we have a lot to talk about concerning your behavior. What about the couple hundred dollar a week pot habit you have. Is that why you can't afford a god damned haircut so I might have a better god damn chance at getting a fucking job so I can fucking carry my own god damn weight around here. Whatever you do, don't get fucking mad at me because I'm sniffling and have to wipe my nose at the dinner table, because you gave me the fucking cold!

In other news, I'm bored and want to bitch but nobody is around.

I really, really, like the Mary J. Blige song "Family Affair". Judge me.

I function best when I'm happy and following the decisions I made when I'm depressed.

I just don't know if I can take this all right now.

Busy day ahead of me.

Twenty-four. Got freaked out over nothing. I found out a distant friend died. Cried a little for him. Got delirious. Felt motivated. Walked around wondering what to do. Felt tired again. Got trashed. Went to sleep.

Twenty-five. Woke up early. Sat. Sat. Sat. Possibly was even excited. Opened some gifts. Felt disappointed. Felt ungrateful. Still excited to see my sister. Felt an unpleasant presence. Retreated to my mothers room with my sister. Ate some food. Went to to sisters. Got trashed. Went to sleep.

Twenty-six/twenty-seven. Went skiing. Dislocated my shoulder again. Felt guilty. Came home. Got kinda drunk. Slept a bit. Got woken up. Felt happy. Went to sleep.

Twenty-seven/twenty-eight. Felt happy. Got drunk. Did nothing. Felt guilty. Went to sleep. Got woken up. Felt happy. Watched shitty tv against my will. Felt angry. Felt guilty. Came home. Felt sad. Went to sleep. Woke up. Went to doctor. Watched a sappy movie, cried a little. Felt anxious. Wished I had a cigarette.

Overall it's been okay.

So, I pretty much feel like an asshole. The one time I can sleep seven hours in the row is the time that I'm supposed to sleep an hour.

The fictional journal is created. It occurs to me that I never thought about a location for the character. Also, that I'm probably breaking the terms and conditions of livejournal, hahahahaha.

Um, yeah.

So, I'll show it to you guys soon. There are a few issues I need to work out. Basically the journal starts out as someone new to livejournal, so I really don't have to do much, but I like to over-think things.

The character is named Jeremiah. I've been thinking about him for well over a year. He's based of of myself greatly, except, his dark-side is on a higher level of fucked-up-ness. (So you know that this guy has to be really fucked up.)

So this project is not-independent.... What I want to do is incorporate this into a novel that I've been thinking about for almost as long as the character.

I would absolutely love for people to friend the journal and comment, but play along! Mentioning that the journal is fiction in the comments is going to get the comment deleted. I would be eternally grateful if you guys gave me feedback in this journal. I'll reiterate this when I actually give you guys the link and all that. Expect that as early as tomorrow, and as late as.... well, I never actually do this thing (and my life goes to hell).

Somehow I don't think this entry makes any sense what-so-ever. Oh well.

This journal is about to go though some changes. It's kinda in puberty right now, an awkward phase. I just don't know how to post in one of those horribly depressing/crazy livejournals when I'm not horribly depressed/crazy all the time anymore. Since I'm creating a fictional livejournal, I was thinking I could use this journal to kind of hype-up the fictional one. I was considering making this journal not exclusively friends-only, and going to more classical 'blogger' format. (Instead of.... enigmatic... and kind of annoying.) It would be more interesting if I had interesting things happen in my life, but I'd also post actual writing, I think. What do you guys think?

Anyway, I was going to write a one of the stereotypical LJ entries where I talk about all the shit that goes on in my life, you know, without being all enigmatic. But I don't know if I'm really comfortable not being all enigmatic.

( Last night, non-enigmatic. )

Damn, this might actually me the second longest entry I've ever posted in this journal. Funny, I wrote it in about 30 minutes.

I'm just happy right now.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

Friends-only.

Just ask. I'll add you. It's simple.